Helping your Child with Anorexia Face Fear Foods

Helping your Child with Anorexia Face Fear Foods

Parents often ask me the Question, “Does my child have to eat foods he or she is afraid of or doesn’t like anymore if my child is eating enough?” Parents want their child to be healthy and fear that if they push calorie dense challenge foods, their child will restrict other foods and will lose weight, fail to gain weight, or just cause a scene at the meal. While timing is important in introducing challenge foods, the longer the child goes without eating calorically dense foods like cake, fries, lasagna, ice cream, etc., the more the Anorexia takes its hold and convinces the child that he or she just “doesn’t like these foods anymore and shouldn’t have to eat them.”  The disease gains strength, and these rules become engrained in the brain. As a result, the child with anorexia may fail to fully recover or it may take much longer to recover. With this in mind, here are some things to keep in mind as you work with your child on eating fear foods.

1. Expect it to be difficult for your child. When your child is planning the challenge in the session with the therapist, he/she may appear willing and pick challenge food to eat. However, the closer it gets to the actual meal where the food will be eaten, the more the anxiety will surge, and the child will produce reasons to avoid the challenge.
2. Eat the feared food together as a family. When the person with Anorexia sees his or her parents eating the fear food, this makes it easier to at least try it, whereas if the parents avoid this food themselves, the sufferer’s Anorexia will tell him/or her that parents are avoiding the food because it is in fact a food that should be avoided if he/she doesn’t want to become “fat”. 
3. Eat the food at home first. Eating the fear food at home first helps to decrease the anxiety around this introduction because the child can eat just a bite or two the first time. If only a small portion of the fear food is consumed, eating at home assuages any guilt that may be associated with the cost of the food at a restaurant. In addition, it is helpful to tackle one part of the anxiety at a time, and store-bought ice cream for example, may feel easier to eat than ice cream from a restaurant or ice cream store.
4. Praise your child for trying the fear food. No matter how little of the food your child eats, praise him or her because Anorexia was present the whole time, telling your child not to take that bite.
5. Distract from the food by playing a game if your child thinks this would be helpful. For some sufferers, eating and engaging in humorous conversation may be enough to reduce the anxiety around trying the fear food. However, other sufferers may benefit from more distraction such as playing a game, watching a funny television show, listening to relaxing music, or engaging in mindless knitting to sufficiently decrease the anxiety and try the food. Ask your child what he or she wants in terms of conversation vs. activity during the meal and listen to his/her request. If your child voices anger at you for forcing him or her to eat this food and threatens not to eat the next meal, remember, this is the Anorexia trying to win. Tell yourself that if you let it win by avoiding the challenge, Anorexia will strengthen, and it will be that much harder for your child to agree to the fear food the next time.
6. Give your child permission to eat the fear food. Anorexia is telling your child that he/she does not “need” this food to survive, and that he or she does not even “like” this food anymore. Your child needs permission to eat it and break away from Anorexia’s bondage. Over time, you will see that your child likes the food again and is happy that you gave him or her permission to eat it.
7. Stay with your child for an hour after the fear food is eaten. Once the food is eaten, the anorexia may become even louder, telling your child that he or she has to exercise to compensate for the calories just consumed. Your child has to learn how to tolerate this Anorexia noise if he or she is to overcome the fear. If you engage in a family activity after the food challenge, this prevents exercise as a compensatory action. Exercise after eating the fear food only reinforces Anorexia’s claim that this food is bad.
8. Help your child to avoid compensation at the next meal or the next day. After your child has eaten the fear food, Anorexia will tell him or her to have a “safe meal” for the next mealtime. Anorexia tells your child that this compensation is the only way that the fear food will not cause weight gain. Compensation may also come in the form of extra exercise the next day because he or she could not do anything directly after the meal the day before. While compensation works temporarily to decrease the anxiety associated with just having eaten the food, it reinforces the belief that fearful food is bad and should be avoided. Anorexia will still rule, telling your child that eating the ice cream will result in a terrible consequence like immediate weight gain.
9. Repeat this challenge several times in the same week and every week for the next month or until the child can eat the food without compensation or fear. Stick with the same flavor ice cream and brand until your child expresses a desire to try a new flavor. On the other hand, if your child has only agreed to vanilla ice cream for months, this may be Anorexia’s way to impose a new rule that vanilla ice cream is safe, but every other flavor or mixture of ice cream and toppings will cause weight gain. In this situation, you may need to remind your child that it will benefit him or her to branch out and try a new flavor. In general, keep the challenge simple by sticking to one food at a time to increase your chances of success.
10. Repeat the challenge in many different circumstances such as restaurants, friends’ houses, or with friends over. Anorexia may tell your child only store-bought vanilla ice cream is safe and any other ice cream will cause weight gain. Another Anorexia tactic is when your child tells you that “too much sugar is unhealthy, and since he or she already had something sugary that day, he or she shouldn’t have to eat the ice cream.”  The more flavors your child tries, and the more places he or she eats it in, the less the Anorexia will maintain its grip.
11. Repeat the challenge many, many times. Think of how long your child has avoided this food; this tells you that it will take dozens or in some cases hundreds of trials for the fear to be extinguished.
12. Remind your child of the reasons you are eating these fear foods. Your child’s anxiety around eating fear foods will be so high initially that you will need to remind him or her of why you are doing the challenge. Remind your child that when friends invite him or her for a sleepover, he or she will not want to be the only one avoiding ice cream or pizza. Remind him or her that he or she will want to participate in family celebrations at restaurants and eat the birthday cake or the ice cream there.
13. Take care of yourself and remind yourself that this is arduous work. Expect anorexia to be at the challenge meal and expect it to fight. Therefore, plan to do something that relaxes you before you help your child face his or her challenge food. You need to maintain a calm demeanor at the meal because Anorexia will dig in more if you are yelling or showing frustration in any way. This is challenging work for everyone. Most of all, remember that the more the child eats the fear food, the easier it will become over time. You are your child’s best ally against this disease.